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It is so easy to fall
stumble and trip over my glib view
of what has happened to me
of what has happened to you
to what happens daily while others
underestimate
the power of words
as i do myself

it is so easy to fall back into the person i hate
to create for myself a place I
need to run from
to create for those around me
a reason to push away
easier to see this through clearer lenses
goodbye to the endless ego push
goodbye to giving any fucks
goodbye to whatever it is i have built
because i am sick
i need help

The best way to help myself
is to get away from all of you
to give myself back my brainspace
and forgive those taking up weight
i cannot bear this anymore
all this hate is killing me
leaden legs and heart heavy
i quit weed and took up
self harm again
almost
almost
almost was worth it

The importance of play

Gravity becomes us,
if we let it
earth shredding cells down
years after we build them up
figured out the length of a heartstring,
taut and tender to snapping,
atmosphere burned it on the way
our bodies let us down
eventually.

While we are here,
let us look to the smallest blade of grass
in its innocence.
Dancing to the wind,
bouncing insect vibrations
crunch a frosted morning tiptoe
from a toasty morning fire
Let your wired mind dance over
every pretty little thing
create a game and live it
like your life depended on it,
sibling, it does.

Roll your shoulders and your eyes back
enjoy orgasmal groupings,
there's a trust in us dependent on the
warmth of endless floooopeeees,
remember den of tiger cubs, of kittens and of bears,
Where the wild things become,
are where the humans lose their cares
their worries swing by in a tree
upside down, head in dirt
the mudrats found their freedom,
We need these times, these moments
of forced geniality,
playfulness is godliness
the mindset of endless liberty.

Faith-bone.

It still takes me by surprise
like birds who forget the sunrise by night
They awaken
        delighted to the earth becoming
        what they knew it was all along,
the dark period is gone now
they sing,
get excited guys, we are still alive.

Clockwork beating of the heart,
A little faster the day after
           like my mind is racing
                       sweaty palms
           to harness first the memory,
           transpose it into poetry,
           sprint a mile in my reverie
bags packed,
lids heavy,
this steady return to life.

I can no longer pretend we
don't know what we're doing.
When the crew comes back from
                far-flung places,
                the universe written
                on their faces
in laugh lines,
                erased negativity,
in open arms
to the wider community,
what started 19 parties ago
remains
and my faith-bone, it grows.

It is true.
We've become a cult
of the highest order,
          acceptance breeds acceptance
          connected in our presence,
shoulders broad to build more
foundations
of sweaty inspiration.
The old city moults off me,
4 million blameless of push and shove,
I see no longer strangers
just soul's capacity for love.

You are,
what you want most,
a note I've learned through kindness.
Though lonely on the road to change
it's within you every time,
               to choose this stranger as your neighbour
               to choose this time to show your colours
               to cover this cement and mortar place
with your fortified shine,
your hopeful grace,

There is a different way,
You showed me,
There is a different way.

Subway Submit

another's grief settled

under my skin 

yes/terday

no more tough love

              grin and bear it 

              aspirations

simple submission of the highest degree

snotty sobbing on a train

desperately

failing

at 

keeping it together again

a single stranded stranger

wishes me well 

six     m  o  n  t  h  s    hence she whispered

it might look different, 

rest your weary head now kid, 

it gets better

under cover loneliness

though lowness is no shame

with all this heavy rain

creating soggy graves and sunken brains

I can/not justify this

sinkhole

put    on    yer
  happy         face, love

it ain't that bad

grizzly drunkard gives me his leering tumble
nervous tick develop
at a centuries-old gaze
forget forget
this proprietary theft
wash clean of it

halfway to drowning in a lukewarm bath 

benzobody numb 

swollen glands 

wrinkled hands

pull myself up

grit my teeth

remembering

death is not pretty

Broken Glass / Angry Fist

woke up
swallowing
broken glass shards
pieces of congealed blood
dried mouth flavour
nightmares and forgetfulness

visions of splendid rage
fill fists just barely contained
at my side
gun under my chin
an idea i used to believe in
the eternal struggle

medicate
drink
slap on pharmaceutical bandaids and
pray for reprieve

I lost a heartbeat
somewhere in
the dumbing mist
don't know where i put it
somewhere between
ongoing concern
broken organs
a death in the family
these angry fists

lose a few more
dreams my self destruction
wait for enough space between beats
that life force is drained
stress is yesterday's problem
and you no longer have a body

i swallowed broken glass and razor bladed dreams today
felt them lodge
near my rotten gut
loosen shelf of smoke
deep breath in
hold it forever
stop the pushing
stop the pushing