'perhaps a lifetime...'

Perhaps a lifetime,
She mused,
rolling spliff after spliff
confusing lighters for
tiny suns
she wanted to roll around
with me
giggling
just for half an hour,
or maybe a day,
perhaps a lifetime.

mates thank me for offering them
courage,
she says and i see
the small grin on the corner of her eye,
proud
for perpetually making them look at the clouds,
stars, moon, trees or anything,
Remember my lady,
Go find that mountain
that moment,
I light a match between us again,
fury at this sentence of distance
and computers between us
this ambivalent blink of the cursor
i am petulant five year old me,
so she sends me a smile
and a raspberry

This is the beauty of
mother fucking grief
she says, mere weeks before
her ascension
I scream love,
she cries through my tangle of brow
its the only way,
to figure out
how we can find our way
to truth,
I just wish,
for one day,
I could welcome you home in my
arms.