My face broke, the well opened
He asked me if all was okay
The words stuck,
As always
In my throat chakra,
He swore softly, apologised for my hurt
Pour a glass of the finest red
Around
Called it anaesthetic,
Called himself Doctor Rob,
Made his exit swiftly
After the efficient fix he had given,
I drown in the bottom of the glass,
One part hate,
The other grateful for pain relief.

7pm on a Friday evening
Stuck to my keyboard,
Typing through this incessant weeping
Try to get my work done,
The show must go on,
Even through this, this,
Unthinkable this.

I cannot handle it,
I cannot be resilient,
I can only be the love I felt,
Melting.
I do not want to carry this
Nor heal and grow distance from you,
Goddess, goddess,
I miss you so much
I'm Making bargains with the devil,
Take me instead,
It's my head you want, not hers.
She never sinned like me,
Never took from people selfishly,
She is better in every way,
And I am stuck, trying to emulate.
Please take me,
Instead.