Sky-woman

I finally felt the warmth on my knees
Saw the sun has risen again
With a vengeance,
Letting eyes lose focus to
Train tracks,
See ibis infest the palm trees
In incongruence,
I look forward to only one thing
These days,
Resting my weary head, my bones lax, spine stretched into sleep,
In a dream foreign to this living one
We can speak again.
I suspect your form in the house
We shared,
Turn away, I don't recognise this
Absence in your eyes,
I'm scared.
I hear bumps in the night,
See your lanky moves in ungraceful ways
But I don't know this
Body-less version of you,
And you don't communicate
Your thoughts as well anymore.
I can't handle you haunting me,
Ghost,
You, omnipresent energy,
You, from which green things grow,
You, sky-woman, of the fractal family,
Of the waxing moon,
Of holy hands and bopping shoes,
You are too big to lose.
You are too much to lose.

I couldn't lose you if I tried,
I am reminded every time I look up,
Of your bloodline,
Your philosophy,
Excruciatingly wise mind,
Behind the most playful of smiles,
I am reminded with each breath
That even the breaking has it's time,
That the rotten stomach,
The dropped rock stutter of pulse,
The angry depression I find the door to,
The empty ache in punched gut
A symptom of this quicksand rut,
This endless hanging question 'why'
These are signposts to the way back to you,
Clouds racing each other to falling,
Tiredness pulling at me,
And a quiet rainbow sitting behind my ribcage,
Just waiting for it's chance.

I'm crying on the train again,
Moving quickly from the scene of the pain,
I can beat myself to the end,
Or along the way,
But friend, sister, lover,
This was never your way,
And I'm ashamed.
You'd laugh at our tears,
Tickle a side or two and say,
Yeh but,
Look at the sky!
Isn't it more beautiful than your wide, planet-spanning grief?
Isn't it divine, how blue and steeped in history,
Imagine all the bodies who have moved through that sky,
Imagine what fun we will have when we die,
Look up kid. It's not over yet,
There's much to be done,
The wet season will pass,
The cold will warm up,
Til then, you've got a family of souls to tend to,
Do they know how much you love them?
Do they smile before sleep, feel held?
Do you give them all the happies you can muster,
Do they keep your energy after you've gone,
Yes, let's meet tonight in the space
Between waking and sleep,
But when the mourning comes,
Get up, curse the cold, weep if you must,
But don't forget to look up.