dandy seeds

Think of us like a dandelion

Hands held open

            Fingers danced in the air current

Wafting way up a/head

            Out of sigh/t

We lose parts of our bodymind to the win/d

Carried cross foreign counties,

Many different noses sniff the sky

Notice the change from

Burning bark

To cinnamon

Eucalypt

to elgan teak

Scents / first indication of difference

Our elements have been 

s c a t t e r e d

to/o soft and sharp-sounding places

                                           Kakamega,

                              Oaxaca,

                 Uganda,

Leningrad,

                  Lake Tahoe,

                                Bruxelles

                                               Soon, India too.

I cannot sit well 

                    with the feeling

Of losing my self,

               our selves

                    /so freely/

One of the dears came back dancing,

         galaxies bouncing off her eyelids, 

         light flicking inside her iris

She calls it the planting of seeds in minds

You..

          You’re the farmers.

Off into fields you walk, 

        head higher than mine

        see your own horizon

        with your own eyes

Gather water on the way,

Open hands /

Bottled sunshine

            Refresh parched earth /

Stop nodding off, there’s work to be done

Promise to come back in spring

Once this life has taken hold

Settle / roots / everywhere

hug. everything. 

I’ve told you before

you are exquisite

you are more than the sum of thoughts, 

you're the sum of your stimulations

This earth needs your sweat.

Let inspirations be the lessons

           seeds left in your wake

         remember: 

         from many rain/drops

         we create ourselves

 a lake

i’ve just learned to float on.

When we reach tributaries,

water falls in tribulation

             Together, drop for drop,

             Reach re/atomisation

things change

there is a positive way

of dropping

one’s pretenses and aggravation

You are teachers, planting trees,

 /            Each leaf a frantic spreading           \

/\            Each smile a fractal memory         /\

     friends back home,

          shedding skins for you

letting you go,

letting this water flow over the rim of 

          yesterdays' hidden beach

Means letting the world come in

And go out.

Go out. 

Solitude is priceless.

Perhaps that is why I am a self-diagnosed narcoleptic. It's the only time I am truly alone.

Words from greater artists

“We were together. I forget the rest.” ~ Walt Whitman

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~ Lao Tzu

“So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” ~ Paulo Coelho

 “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” ~ John Lennon

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” ~Kahlil Gibran 

“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.” ~ Anaïs Nin

“I love you without knowing how or when or from where. 
I love you straightfowardly, without complexities or pride: 
So I love you because I know no other way than this: 
Where I do not exist nor you, 
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?” 
― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems

“Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields...Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness.” 

“Ten times a day something happens to me like this - some strengthening throb of amazement - some good sweet empathic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.” 
― Mary Oliver

“I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” —Augusten Burroughs

Tulip fingers

You hid it
       exquisitely
bruise behind your smile
your beauty fell like flaking paint
       on an ancient home

I knock gently
             daisy in hand
             shoes removed
             awkward feet holding timid toes in holy socks
Waiting . . .
You're not home today

I left a lick of fresh paint on your threshhold,
       a note for curious eyes that read
'you are a child of the stars, you know'

One hundred and eighty four days into my apprenticeship,
I learned something of the structure of old houses
              how they sway in gentle breezes
              there was a view to the stars in your attic but
I could not stop sneezing from all the dust

I'd look for stray planks of wet wood
     build a bridge up your creaking steps
     hold my breath that you'd answer when I knocked again
You never did.

Clouds are out in full force today,
it's not raining so you stay hidden
           ridding myself of all smallness
           I make cumulus my horizon line
                       step into my wings
                       throw myself off the daily cliff
I know the stars will be my streetlights when i've no longer got nightvision

A blind man feels his way past me
pausing
           to ask why I'm crying
I said, I'm losing my sight of the wonder in this world
I said, I am losing myself in splinters and bent nails
           my eyes need emptying
I left the best parts of me
           safe in the chest of a ghost
           gave myself a wheezing lung
           and its burning
from all the smoke
           bleeding
from all the broken mirrors

One hand on his heart, the other reaching toward me
He flicked a pocketknife open
placed a spring in my palm
drew a ring of blood around it
           'Breathe..
See how this tested metal needs blood sweat and tears
            to become

We run about this life following heart lines and hippie trails
Life lines and tales of to-be children
            but no one mentions the scar line
Have you never seen freckles, ridges and warts
That speak of your mortality too?

The stories of the skin are forever ever-changing,
Do not forget the blood of scars is the same as the blood of blushing
Do not forget that you exist, no matter what condition you're in
Child, feel blessed for your splinters and failures
They show that you have lived.
Know that you will bounce back like the spring
Even with blood on your lips.'

I look down at my hand.
See dirt under each nail, carefully placed
So when you left, your tulips could grow
From my fingertips
Your roots could infuse my nervous system
Fuck
I miss you

Blind man taps out of frame
leaning heavily on my words,
Taking my burdens along with all the others
I am alone again.

I tip toe back past the old house
leave buds in your letterbox
plait some grass together
leave the path to your door free of weeds
           this is my peace offering
           yes it is too late
           no I will not stop trying

There's never anyone home anymore
in the abandoned shack of a memory,
though I drop all my tears in your gardens
nothing will grow there
the ground is frozen
I know it's not my fault, it's winter,
Still, I can't think of anything to say other than
I'm sorry

I'm sorry I did not accurately capture the scent at your neck
that the stain on my pillow 'pon waking is
         wept rememberance
         instead of
         leaked dreaming
I used to lose myself in your smell

We were safe
My nose in your neck
heart bashing against lungs
climbing my rib-ladder
to reach your tongue
'taste my vibration', I'd whisper

I leave incense on your window ledge now,
a glass of sweet water to wet my lips
somehow swallow my dusty vocal chords.

Sun drops
the spectrum
on your stoop
Colouring ciggie butts
Old ash leaving charcoal smudges
in your creases

I've seen so many thresholds since you left
I've found myself a stranger everywhere

I don't know what to do with myself
          so I go on
          playing with the flaking paint
          sanding a rough patch away
          admiring the layered warmth of the wood

I pray you're having good dreams
I pray your new reality is less battle and more beauty
I see your ghost waving at me still
but I thank God you finally got to sleep
though I no longer believe in 'Him.'

The fucked thing is
no one else got to see your
      vintage lace curtains
      broken oil lamps
      the pieces of sea shells by the back door
      hanging on tangled strings
but me

and now i've gone and lost the front door key.

up

the insatiable pull of the sky
      an anti-gravity
crying out to me
inter-mittently

fall
     into
           me
               softly
or at great speeds
fall somehow, whether lost or completely free,
jumping, tumbling, screaming,
fall into me

toes bouncing before long
to take off
pile as many hearts into this basket as I can
fill up high to our eyelids in helium,
we fly away while

the world
shrinks
underneath us

heart y o u

paw paw shine from a distance
hair coiffed
just a hint of deoderant
or cologne
high-collar, thick heel, long coat,
fitted

companion leans in for a cheeky whisper,
he throws an appreciative smile
down a delicate neckline

subtle blush
dropped bottom lip
mind in last night's midnight
rendez - vous

their little secret

cory wrote andrew a note;
               '  ever notice
how the neckhole of a lifevest
resembles the saving grace inside my chest?
              i heart you andrew x'

WORKSHOP ALERT!

Hello lovely ones,

I am very excited to announce the first workshop in a series for SpokenWord/Performance Poetry at a wonderful space on Broadway called Work Shop. Check out the invite here, get involved and find your inner voice! http://www.work-shop.com.au/course/spoken-word-with-jessie-ray-from-art-party/

you inspire me

you inspire me like there's a wire tugging all the magnets in my chest / like the best parts of me are suddenly freed up and stick feverishly / to your heartstrings / you add fuel to my fire before letting the sky take her embers / remembering it cannot burn you if you keep the staff turning / remembering that we learn each time the fire dies, of the power of starlight /

you inspire me pulling up corners of the carpet of drudgery / til the floorboards underneath are gleaming / til we tapdance on the wood leaving little dents / kicking legs in the air / dense shadows the only indication that we have been here / we are still here / together / bent out of shape and more beautiful for it

you are the fireflies bringing stars to our gardens / sure they fly in lazy circles but small suns shine out of their arses / and sure they only live for two days, but those two days are filled to the brim with crazed flying, sparkling bodies and and the belief that they will remain, somehow, stay somehow, long after the somedays are over

you inspire me like the last peg in the basket / holding me up to the wind to mask the dampness / I'll amplify my vision through your glasses and never will we let the bastards get us down / for you, frowns exist only as upside down kisses and you dance a little jig just to prove you've kept your silliness / fill me up with a spark for a second, love / power in me the shine I give on / even lightbulbs need a power source sometimes

you inspire me like the birth of an idea growing wings / like the light in a childs eyes when they learn of possibilities / there's a whole world of wonder you claim as your own / grown from a seed you buried carefully in the middle of your imagination / there is no nobler a pursuit than creation

when i fell over into a bucket and drowned / you tipped it over gently sharing the water around and said, hey, listen, buckets are for putting fires out / or collecting drought water, not for drowning in / there is no sin in sadness little ray but you'll choke if you swallow it all yourself

i've not spoken to you about this yet  / true I'm not even sure if you get it / if you fully understand the impact you've had on me, friend / you are the truest definition of godsend

Bodhi Designs - a gift

The beautiful Fleassy Malay from Bodhi Designs surprised me with this little gift today - what a gorgeous sentiment and a cool way to show some of my poetry. I love it!! What do you think?

Tall Poppies

in a land of tall poppies
       the rains flood our riverbanks with shame

a girl who could not embody her name
thinking it crazy her parents should call her
                                                                      Bella
she tells no one what she sees in the mirror

a young fella racing around the house
like a madman
         reprimanded for his enthusiasm
gorwing up
resenting his children

of families who sweep all the hard talks
         under the carpet
then wonder why they can't walk
                                                    straight

we have a global epidemic of shame

you know when you hate yourself but
can't say a thing?
                             thats shame
or when you're suffering, thinking your friends
only want your happy face
                             thats shame
or when some unimaginable trauma
has hit you in the face
and you continue to blame yourself
                             thats shame

let me tell you something friends,
at 4am on the night of a woman's 60th
she tripped down the stairs,            knocked herself on the head
broke her arm in two places
                                  and went back to bed                bleeding
                                   in shame
thinking her family would frame her a drunk
or out    of    control       character

what black hearts have we if our mothers cannot
share hurts                  for fear of their offsprings
judgement

i met a thirteen year old girl so ashamed of her gender
in a world of men
that she                preferred to stay in bed
rather than dress on up for them

an old man who'd lived his whole life
                            pretending he loved women
collecting wrinkles
like linen
shameful his heart lay
                            among men instead

my own sister-in-law lets others believe
she is from Paraguay, Belize or Brazil,
                   not Lebanon
for which she receives ridicule
for which she receives suspicion
                   when she should be met with veneration for
                   her humanitarian aide in the orphanages

in a land of tall poppies
                   we are quick to let them die
teach them to reach up to the sky
before showing it as an illusion / a lie

there was a man on the street kneeling under glares
and raindrops
                   a sign held as he looked for the light in our eyes
don't judge me said the sign

what has humankind become?
         when we condemn our brothers to their coming undone
         when we bully our sisters and hurt them for our own amusement
         when we hush the children, angry at their freedom of expression
         when we let our neighbours hate the very bodies that they walk in
the force of shame escapes no one
for long enough

but we will remain steadfast in our masks of confidence
until we're not pretending         anymore

i want to even the score / here / tonight
let it be known
that
you are perfect

as you are

family

and through it all
i stand starstruck
                 there is
                 much too much to say
and only 26 letters in
the way we communicate

you have held my
hate for you
tenderly, willing back to life
the breath of a dying lung
mending that broken-winged heart
little bird

at my worst you gave me
compassion
un
conditional
love
at the very moment
i
gave
up
on
you

maybe thats the point of
b r e a k / throughs
                 broken / f a m i l y

like a bone
it mends
eventually
scar tissue still
pulsing
remembering the
c. r. a. c. k.

how fickle my young heart
what shame do i harbour
for its passions

drown in a puddle
i told myself
make that puddle of sweat and
tears
but you the rainbow
came glistening
you the sunshine, dried my feet
the reflection on the pavement
distant
memory

and suddenly
we were laughing so hard
my sides ached
we came back
eventually

my disbelief
r e i g n i n g
could we love
eachother
that much/?
could it be..

e v i c t

e•vict (ɪˈvɪkt)
to expel; to force out; to throw out

it was hardly a
s h o c k
the rocks began to crumble
around the same time
we threw out our furniture
let the telly loose
and started wearing onesies
a l l   t h e   t i m e

we don't buy
v e g e t a b l e s
anymore
we mostly pick them up
off the floor of a skip bin
somewhere
winning against the
wasteful west
somehow
and plowing through
bulk
e x p e r i m e n t a l
cooking

i hope they didn't see the
b i l l y
it's a pretty silly reason to evict someone
its really just a bit of fun
and harms nobody
in the long run
or
m a y b e
they saw my paintings
with marks left all over
walls, courtyards, stones
I'm prone to mess
s o m e t i m e s

i will miss the memories
hidden in the flaking walls
there's water damage from
tears of laughter
after we all woke up
t o g e t h e r
forever huddled in a multi
y i n - y a n g
of spooning
there's years of history
or more importantly
f a m i l y
here

i will miss our neighbours
the ones who cheered for
a g e s
when they heard
c a m e r o n
play his first art party
the ones who stood at our gate
waiting for the song to end
before inviting themselves in
those who jumped on a
m a t t r e s s
with us
creating instant
housematery

let's wait and see
it may be time
to cut the cord
umbilical brothers
and sisters roared
the amniotic washes away
a new day rises up
and we toddle further forward
step by blessed step
as we glorify the birth of
the day we all met

now that the womb
evicts us
where will we end up next?

I don't know my dear ones
come,
suckle at life's breast
remember the best
t h i n g s in life
are those openly
e x p r e s s e d
we will find a new nest
we will welcome new hearts
for you can't destroy an idea
and you can't destroy the arts

Peace x Love x Art x

we are art party

we are
hearts
together simply
floating weather systems
attracted by static electricity
and deliberately awesome
intercity lives

we are
a family
of many different melodies
a harmony of bells and teeth
relief from
all
that
apathy

we are
loving
the sharing the openness
glaring at you
as if it was the easiest thing
a bowerbird might not sing
but he's an artist
in
his
own
space

we are
part of that shining galaxy
that winding road of finality
and while we shine
shooting through the sky
we light up
someone's
night
for
a
time

we are
the womb bats
the onesie rats
the puddle of cuddles
and huddle of hats
we are
brother and lovers
sister souls and crew,
you're all a part of me
and I
a
part
of
you

Reggie Scootin' Smith

you could be holding
the oldest
microphone
the boldest sounds spilling over the lips
of the mouth of the
sacred river

you

you could be shuffling along
to your favourite tune,
crooning that song like you've
never belonged
anywhere else

you

you could be
curled into your baby
this collection of maybe strings
tugging at all of our everythings
as you take us
back to the day
when we lifted our hats
to our ladies

you

you could be dancing with me
i answer your gesture with a blush
and rush to kiss that
blessed cheek

you

you could make the worlds fall for you
like the sun falls for the moon
you could make the master kneel
the student learns the even keel
and reach that courage deep
feel the heavy of your fear
you, my dear, are a dream

you

you are everything
and
then
some

A poem by a friend - humbled.

Jessie ray,

That is to say a name.

It is a chosen mark,

A tattoo of sunshine permanent,

A rise imprinted on the body we see,

But also a sign of sun  beneath.

Ray you project grapples of your own brand,

These violently pierce selected targets unexpected,

Then wind them in to form a web of people.

Beautiful people wound together,

From which there is no escape.

A ray reaches outward from the origin,

A tether to the source,

And a path by which a return is possible.

A ray is at both the center and distant limits,

Grounded and yet clasping at the sky.

So be what you are ray,

Be the day and the night,

Be the plus and the minus,

For that’s where electricity is born.

But more so, be ray right now,

Because now is what we have, ray.

universe

this may be a
s i l l y
a n a l o g y
but i have often stubbed my toe
kicked a stone, or wall,
stumbled, fallen and cursed,
while i was busy looking up at the universe

now i'm pretty
c l u m s y
at the best of times,
especially when i'm looking
up
at
the
sky
truth be told,
even if i'd been looking down
i'd have fallen over anyway

when my mind trips i think of
my ability to see beauty
that i
must
look up
to see the very proof of                     this
keep one eye on the
h o r i z o n
and climb that gaze to the endless
press on through muddy bruise
after muddy bruise
with chin pointed way up high
cos you might as well see the world
as you're on your way to die

and

aren't

we

all

?

we laughed maniacally
in a hub of concrete and carpools
do you remember when you sighed to me
that you thought we'd lost our marbles
?

the silver lining to a cloud
like the rainbow to the rain
a fleeting glimpse
of happiness
in the moments between
thunder
and
pain
but we chose to stay here
thats all that matters to me
cos another day we stay
means
another day we're
f   r   e   e

every leaf dies love
but they live in a prism of light
rather than be a weeping willow
let us aspire to be
the eucalypt
a phoenix
a baptism
of fire
fighting

modestly epic poem

Perspective is a privilege that
the vulnerable know well
a tired eye smiles
at many versions of hell
avoided

the blessings picked
out of the mess
dried tears upon the bedsheets
points of stars
like shiny scars
against the toughness
of the dark
ten thousand times over

there have been days
i stand in a pit
at the bottom of a
wishing pond
others tossing
cents at me
each strike a muted
branch
break a brain or two for peace

I stand with strands of cotton wool
Hide my nursing hands
Embarrassed

separate your lashes
from the fire
pocket ashen memories
in sentimental honour
what is left of us
when the mystery dies

we each are
the smallest of victims,
ones who still call for Mother in the moments before
shaking breath
Picked upon by Bully Death
Torn apart at the chest
heaving please
help me get outta this

There have been nights
where i fight off sleep
knowing that time
keeps me living
and the dawn
keeps giving
new days,

I know that moment your
heart does a backflip
landing on its head
where your pulse
breaks a sweat
just by getting out of bed
you're okay
inside whispers
its agony
to get through the day
you're okay

Despite all of it
or because of it
i live

it is becoming
more apparent
that each time i stumble
fall down my Everest
each time i fail despite
trying my very best
I remember
all along
i've been breeding
resilience

f it makes no sense
i'm left with
my violent paint
and angry resonance
Mud caked in my joints
fill my blood up with guilt
forget the life lessons
I'd built into happiness

the world is fucked

i'm not naive enough
to believe
my hugs change
anything
my smile on the street
doesn't help a single refugee
at the window of this
lucky country
my poems don't calm mothers
who's sons are gunned down
or the brothers who felt the size
of the step father's mounting anger
or every woman thats ever
been handled
out of hate instead of honour

my efforts at hope and love
don't change a
goddamn thing

but i will be singing
in the shower
as i wash off all the dirt
I will bring a candle
to your curtain
to show you
a piece of my glowing

I will withstand nah, welcome a deluge
just to see a rainbow arc
I will focus on the goodness
even if this world is fucked

don't think i don't know
how hard it can be
no one ever said
living would be easy
each sneeze echoes a bombing
the broken tiles on the floor
the broken lives of another war
each broken heart or red hot earthquake
the arms of a widow's last embrace
each broken family of violence and lace
each outspoken teen in defiance
facing the mirror
in despair

and the days roll on
the ever rising of the sun
the silent suffering
of everyone
carries on

but i will bring you a candle
we can all warm our hands on
and hug you so tight your thoughts
get choked up
i will point to those
tiny lights
filling the night sky
see the winking wonder of each one
as you drink your bottle dry
keep your eyes up

focus on that space of creation
when the weight of the world
is suffocating
and when you're drowning
and taking your very last breath
i beg you to keep treading water
keep that climbing in motion
an island of hope in
an ocean of sleeping bones
even if that
island is made out of floating garbage
or seaweed
just please, i urge you
to continue to breathe

no one ever climbs a mountain
to stay at the top
they all come on down
they stagger and drop
there's a lot that can kill us
there's so many threats
so chuck a sickie
roll a ciggie
put your feet up
catch your breath

In a dream someone told me
this world cannot be fixed
the beauty is in
the dripping blood
falling in love with
its gravity

waking up i see
we exist so fucking briefly
lives filled to the brim with death
so laugh with me friend,
rectify a skydive
Moment
That freedom of
Fuck
Yeh

be soon

daily i float
waiting for
the flare

sick of this
two
    or fro
be/tween no and maybe
in the arms wide open ocean
         swollen wooden plank
         deliberately leaking bucket
i see simple love
while you see an engineer
please build me a life raft
p'raps i'll use it one day
i don't want to see the blueprints though

i'm over it
fitting you to size
with something to stop your drowning
you                    dunk your head in the brine
         are          
                 addicted to salty sinuses

its not what you think,
no
no/t stories
no/t fear of things breaking

born shattered
i find my peace
in the spaces outside
canals and compasses
using my bedsheet as a sail
my gut a rudder

i wish this boat
had an auto/captain

i stopped leaving
blood in the water
for the sharks
           started leaving
           lands of living
sleep, is my drug
has always been my freedom
problem is
i always wake up
when the gull cries
warning of the rocks

end of each minute
punctuated with dripping eyelids
my withdrawals tire me
exhausting diet of
soggy rope
resentful coffees
salt-crusted fingerprints

i realise at last
i am a joke to you,
not a very good one.
something to roll your eyes at.

she
gives you white hot coals
fire is so pretty, na?
leaves scars people will ask you about
a dramatic tale you can share
                                  at last

i leave
only ripples in the water
buoyancy
my trademark
though my body craves the heavy
           my mind      /     the empty
i awaken
grudgingly

drift on
silently

Harvey publishes we three

two colleagues and myself were recently published in Harvey mag.

Check it out here - http://www.harveymag.com/OF/

Mother Tongue

Oh hey everybody :)

Lucky me that I was asked (and blessed!) to perform at Mother Tongue in Melbourne March 15th, inviting the ever-talented Lou Millar to come on board to perform with me for a few pieces (https://soundcloud.com/louisemmillar)

The one and only video I have ever had of my performance here 

Peace x

The Womb

It began here nearly three years ago,
And I think back,
Over the sorrow,
The heartache,
The money I spent,
The sleep I left awake,
In order to make this

My home.

I raced to the office on a
Saturday afternoon,
to fax the rental application in first,
Bursting with life two nights later,
They'd made a decision,
It was ours.

Three years can be a uni degree
Or the growth of new life of a grafted tree,
Or the death of a friendship never
Meant to be
It was the turning point of my
Identity.

This place was a black hole of vibes and energy,
You sucked the living smile
Out of almost everything,
But from the bile and ashes,
A new sprig spreads her leaves,
Welcoming everyone as welcome family.

Birth of life, protective walls,
You demand so much more,
Than mediocre artistry, you demand a place for all,
To spread their wings,
Take first breath behind that open mic,
Commanding complete mastery of the artist's
Broken nights.

You've homed musicians, artists, poets,
Magicians in your heart.
you've offered counsel to busted souls,
You've left a burning mark,
Whether stranger or angel,
Whether roomie or no,
You've given each of us a place
We can call our home.

F is for faggot

F is for faggot,
You got that right, Dad,
You know, I'm a fag, too, don't you?
Why don't you just f-f-f-freak out?

F is for fuck off,
you wrinkly old dipshit
There's nothing I can say that will make you get it,
You poke and you prod, look for a reaction,
How's this, fuck you, get out of my life,
Peace comes with subtraction,
Sometimes.

F is for faith,
You believe in an imagined god more,
Than you do your own daughter,
Making up stories for how it should be,
meanwhile spreading hate and bigotry.

F is for flashback
To the moment you used to promise me
You loved me more than anything,
And silly me, I thought that meant
More than anything.

F is for the fallen,
Those who could war no more,
With the calls of the hating masses,
Men and women who're long gone now,
I'm sorry for the harrassment,
It's part of my blood too.

F is for Family, the ones I've chosen at least,
Those you're born with, a thorn in your side,
Til the day they release you in mourning,
The family I love the most are those
Who rose to stand with me,
Preferring solidarity over sitting.

F is for the flower,
I give each day to the girl,
Who makes me even gayer,
the girl of the swaying hug and the timid way,
Who never asks me to
Pray for straightness.

F is for fabulous,
Because I fucking well am.

shock

to you:

it's the sound of your heart cracking
open

it's the sound I never want to hear
again

its your anguish in a sound, not spoken,
guttural

its the light of reality spilling without
within

i am sorry, i repeat in my mind,
like a mantra
all i can offer, are the arms around you,
in a spontaneous hug
yes.. we are at work but so what..?
we are human and
its the very least we can do
when your heart has been shot

i am still sorry, one month on,
my heart reciting not-too-glib cliches,
hoping one will fit, something will stick,
somehow I know there is a stitch of a common life here
this is a fear we all share
and never talk about

thank you for talking to me
about it
it is a gift

i remember when my mother's mother passed
and though you're not my mother,
sometimes you are just as important
in a different way
i would say to her, its okay, Mum
there is no more struggle where she is
no troubled mind or
puddled street
she is now a lake of serenity
or the colour of a galaxy

and sure.. i might sound like a hippie
but it is a scientific fact
that you cannot destroy energy
(Einstein said so)
and though you might miss her
on earthly days,
she has returned to her mother,
as you will too one day

whether you believe in souls or science,
they tell us the same thing
we have wings inside us
we were always meant to fly
but we don't ever know this til we lie down,
ready to die, (or not-so-ready)
ready to change our energy for the light
call it heaven or
reincarnation
afterlife

all i know is that you
can't destroy energy
so the warmth of the sun
or the misting of rain,
is all of our mothers,
saying, 'darlings,
forget your pain.
I am still here, just more
evolved.'

for the fortunate who have not known death:

you could be anywhere in the world,
with any minor annoyance or bigotry,
you could be feeling self conscious,
be spilling over with misery,

but at least
you live

that is enough

you could be struggling in stress,
in finances, spiritual unrest,
but who said living would be easy
no one did,
the point is
you live

that is enough

how quickly one's breath becomes history
how sudden that deathly heartbreak
live with fist on heart, heart on sleeve,
sleeve raking the goosebumps up your arm

feel the sensation
feel the relief
that you live

that is enough

one day you will be able to let go
but when you do
know that you've lived
the width
not just the length
of your life

it is a gift

i'm sorry your heart
breaks
it is built to
it is the human experience
it is survivable
it is part of
the life you live

give yourself a chance
to appreciate
stillness
when you're resting
from the dance