The Womb

It began here nearly three years ago,
And I think back,
Over the sorrow,
The heartache,
The money I spent,
The sleep I left awake,
In order to make this

My home.

I raced to the office on a
Saturday afternoon,
to fax the rental application in first,
Bursting with life two nights later,
They'd made a decision,
It was ours.

Three years can be a uni degree
Or the growth of new life of a grafted tree,
Or the death of a friendship never
Meant to be
It was the turning point of my
Identity.

This place was a black hole of vibes and energy,
You sucked the living smile
Out of almost everything,
But from the bile and ashes,
A new sprig spreads her leaves,
Welcoming everyone as welcome family.

Birth of life, protective walls,
You demand so much more,
Than mediocre artistry, you demand a place for all,
To spread their wings,
Take first breath behind that open mic,
Commanding complete mastery of the artist's
Broken nights.

You've homed musicians, artists, poets,
Magicians in your heart.
you've offered counsel to busted souls,
You've left a burning mark,
Whether stranger or angel,
Whether roomie or no,
You've given each of us a place
We can call our home.

F is for faggot

F is for faggot,
You got that right, Dad,
You know, I'm a fag, too, don't you?
Why don't you just f-f-f-freak out?

F is for fuck off,
you wrinkly old dipshit
There's nothing I can say that will make you get it,
You poke and you prod, look for a reaction,
How's this, fuck you, get out of my life,
Peace comes with subtraction,
Sometimes.

F is for faith,
You believe in an imagined god more,
Than you do your own daughter,
Making up stories for how it should be,
meanwhile spreading hate and bigotry.

F is for flashback
To the moment you used to promise me
You loved me more than anything,
And silly me, I thought that meant
More than anything.

F is for the fallen,
Those who could war no more,
With the calls of the hating masses,
Men and women who're long gone now,
I'm sorry for the harrassment,
It's part of my blood too.

F is for Family, the ones I've chosen at least,
Those you're born with, a thorn in your side,
Til the day they release you in mourning,
The family I love the most are those
Who rose to stand with me,
Preferring solidarity over sitting.

F is for the flower,
I give each day to the girl,
Who makes me even gayer,
the girl of the swaying hug and the timid way,
Who never asks me to
Pray for straightness.

F is for fabulous,
Because I fucking well am.

shock

to you:

it's the sound of your heart cracking
open

it's the sound I never want to hear
again

its your anguish in a sound, not spoken,
guttural

its the light of reality spilling without
within

i am sorry, i repeat in my mind,
like a mantra
all i can offer, are the arms around you,
in a spontaneous hug
yes.. we are at work but so what..?
we are human and
its the very least we can do
when your heart has been shot

i am still sorry, one month on,
my heart reciting not-too-glib cliches,
hoping one will fit, something will stick,
somehow I know there is a stitch of a common life here
this is a fear we all share
and never talk about

thank you for talking to me
about it
it is a gift

i remember when my mother's mother passed
and though you're not my mother,
sometimes you are just as important
in a different way
i would say to her, its okay, Mum
there is no more struggle where she is
no troubled mind or
puddled street
she is now a lake of serenity
or the colour of a galaxy

and sure.. i might sound like a hippie
but it is a scientific fact
that you cannot destroy energy
(Einstein said so)
and though you might miss her
on earthly days,
she has returned to her mother,
as you will too one day

whether you believe in souls or science,
they tell us the same thing
we have wings inside us
we were always meant to fly
but we don't ever know this til we lie down,
ready to die, (or not-so-ready)
ready to change our energy for the light
call it heaven or
reincarnation
afterlife

all i know is that you
can't destroy energy
so the warmth of the sun
or the misting of rain,
is all of our mothers,
saying, 'darlings,
forget your pain.
I am still here, just more
evolved.'

for the fortunate who have not known death:

you could be anywhere in the world,
with any minor annoyance or bigotry,
you could be feeling self conscious,
be spilling over with misery,

but at least
you live

that is enough

you could be struggling in stress,
in finances, spiritual unrest,
but who said living would be easy
no one did,
the point is
you live

that is enough

how quickly one's breath becomes history
how sudden that deathly heartbreak
live with fist on heart, heart on sleeve,
sleeve raking the goosebumps up your arm

feel the sensation
feel the relief
that you live

that is enough

one day you will be able to let go
but when you do
know that you've lived
the width
not just the length
of your life

it is a gift

i'm sorry your heart
breaks
it is built to
it is the human experience
it is survivable
it is part of
the life you live

give yourself a chance
to appreciate
stillness
when you're resting
from the dance