Warmheart

when we recognise what is pulled to the surface
from the depth of our character
when like a magnet, lover attracts
this colour-bound side of us,
is it you who creates my happiness
that creates my flat sadnesses
them that creates us, validates us
make within the universe space enough for us to
be ourselves

no

what in those people do we inspire
be it a burning skinscar
sleepless nights or a
fire so deep inside they
cannot stop smiling
warm spills over and touches each arteried finger
all i can remember
is that once organs felt made of
steel
where now they are made of melting
that music was made of fear
is now made from celebration

nothing left between the lines
to read into
nothing more than calm bliss
a state i've felt just once
my first love,
used to spread warmth too

he had hair just like you
the same dimpled lip
eyes that bore into me
like the core of my being was
the most precious

rusty venom
in my skin, igniting fierce
mental conversation
hatred burning like spiced cinnamon
false perspectives
false pedestals

all along
this softness,
this flesh of patchouli and grace
this menthol-based tastebud reached
in between our embrace for
just enough time for a snowflake to die
delicate
obscure
divine

less obsession with death and darkness
it will surely come
the past brings it kicking
to the forefront of Anyone's mind
remember remember
what you built of yourself
when presence was the only obsession
when love the only concession
what a mess you've let it crumble to
what a mess you've swallowed and bowed unto
what a mess

you haven't a clue
how many times i've killed myself
inside
the sweetest pleasure to deny yourself a future
get out of jail free car
sitting on the overpass
fuck this farcical existence
i'd rather fade into oblivion
quietly without a shade of colour
and you,
might finally celebrate.

so here's the thing
about swings and roundabouts
they get you no where
going soundly in circles til
mind is wrapped up
i'm nothing more than a walking arsehole
with shit for a mouth
all energy sucked
all love burned out
fuck
everything
i care too much
for things that aren't there
i read between lines
on a grid
leaving my brain riddled
with false everythings
why are you even talking to me
why does this carry on
relentlessly

just throw me a bone already
or bomb
line my coffee
with poison
and be done.

I only realise I’ve been holding

My breath

When I gasp for more

Thinking perhaps now I can die

And they’ll rule it accidental

A spiritual asphyxiation

The whole world burns,
so I find myself hoarding sand / giving hugs
quaking shoulders roll in mud / soothe the fire / kill the cardinal, the abbott / set pope free slowly

tic goes fuck fuck fuck, we're stuck on a dying rock
and all I can think about
is my smoking chimney.

so
the brightest flick of flint
sits now in the past,
darkness swallows the beauty
i passed by with worry lines
etched deep in my palms
flame dies out
the taste of kerosene
on my wrist
delicious
poisonous
broken lighter in my pocket
kiss your neck
remembering what it is to be
Intimate.

Brother, Sister, Lover,
Muse,
I miss you
cling onto the tendrils of memory
lined with late night laughter
late afternoon coffee
late morning mumble
scratch brain for excuse
i'm late to work again
worth it for taking my time
with you

charcoal smears across body
single hair wrapped round knuckle
folly fall through my fingertips
quickly
cant stand against failing gravity
skin my scabby knees
leave traces of me on the pavement
dig my way to your core
breathe in the crust and magma
forge myself a new armour

find you in between pages of
halted poetry
staggered breath taken step by step up
Escher's staircase
only to retrace your shadow
sneakers painted yellow
nodding t'ward lighter walkings
sing out your mortality,
whistle grass
summon birdy
tilt my head toward the sky
with your wonder
magic slips outta my fingertips
deck of cards, cut and decorated
sleight of hand, eat your cake,
i'll never forget the delicacy with which
you showed me your talent
you make magic out of nothing

i stand in awe.