For so long I sought permission
from your smile to practise my passions
before I realised
this relationship we have fashioned
is not equal, and
no, I do not answer to you,
nor should I doubt myself based on
your pieces of knowledge,
we have come from disparate places
will never see the same voyage.

For so long I have sought to elevate those around
Allow for more forms of abundance,
try for something more magic,
In some way, lift hope and art to deities
sew together fabric of light
acquaintance
but all in all it has left me with little patience
and less time to confess that
in this short life,
I intend to make a difference,
Stand on the green grass of the future breath
Let the haters hate and the healers rest
for now I've said my piece,
and there is truly nothing left,
so go ahead.
Let it all fall to the bed we have made together,
yes we.

And if you disgaree, I respect your need to do so
Don't be fooled though,
I'm not stuck on nostalgia for how it used to be
There have been cracks in the pavement since the beginning
And I refuse to fall between them.
I am no victim of circumstance, so
imagine then, what position I've been in
to willingly do away with some of these endings
Connections I've put years into,
everything from tears, blood, sweat and mud
And yet you believe I'm the opposite of love.

So here's the thing.
I'm done trying to convince you of anything,
or my intention, my purpose, why I write or sing,
I did so for the longest time,
Was left in bewildered lunacy,
and when dust settles,
Clarity beckons,
Making all kinds of common sense.

Here is my exhale, here are my closed eyes
We no longer see mind to mind, you and I
Too many bumps in the road to find our way to the sky,
so I stopped driving, stopped chasing,
stopped raking back my sense of self
to make room to let you in
Stopped doubting, stopping asking,
stopping blasting myself for every perceived offense,
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,
I'm no longer begging for you to be my friends,
how pathetic I must have seemed,
my apologies for the then times,
I've learned my lessons,
thank you professors,
This will never happen again.

I've run out of apologies for taking up this space
they've stopped meaning anything
my gracelessness awkward
bumbling against this muddy love
I want to peacefully put to rest
all i've given up
all who have given up on me
I've found my peace
wrapped in distant melancholy
heavy clouds with shiny linings
are still more beautiful to me
than dry skies
this clarity has blinded me,
pulled my eyebrows away from frowning
I left the drowning to the ants
as I move through this fog
of crowning thorns
and bleeding hearts
and through the darkness
i devote myself to the day.

for once
the sky fuller than
this pregnant earth
a tad sour,
hung with a whiff of last year
the decay of an idea
soil crumbles underfoot
wiped clean on fresh clippings
and old soot
i leave my mark
and mark my leave
as though the calendar cared
for Time
when she passed away