Pack away your graces.

pull my fingers away from the keyboard
the crack-attack of facebook
I try to save your scent up my nose
by holding my breath
but even asthmatics need
a change of scenery
get rid of pollen infested eyes
and blurred vision
promise myself that time heals everything
except when we move at different speeds.

Me, the hare who races carelessly ahead,
bull in china shop,
though i've always hated porcelain
WHY AM I HERE AGAIN
when the tortoise enjoys the smell of roses
and slowness
excruciating slowness
I can't speed you up
but at least I can get away safely.

I can't believe I already want you
after being burned so viciously in the last 3 attacks
you'd think a girl would learn
but I'm not that, anymore
I'm woman,
and it's a woman's place to suffer for the fate of her heart
is it not?

Stupid fucking feelings
when did they do anyone any good anyways
get sprayed with false assumptions,
tearing-chest feelings
tears in the cab to the airport
and shameful returns
does he want me, doesn't he?
do I even want myself?
Can't blame him,
apparently I create this often
so i'm stepping away quietly

Before i'm stomped on repeatedly for my softness
I'm leaving
choosing no one and nobody
choosing solitude and my own solidarity
and yes, a life of endless hormones
racing up my spine
Won't you ever learn to cool your heels
and rest your tiresome ways
you'll burn out before you're thirty
and then what?

You are simply too much for everyone,
you've been told this many times before
so retreat, and pack away your graces
let them win for once
the great big men in the room,
crowding out opinions and achievement,
just let them win
it doesn't matter anyway.
Never did.
Choose your solitude.
dig in your histories behind
curved stone walls
build up the cannons and fireworks,
barbed wire and shattered glass
turn into the crone, or the catlady,
fuck joining this farcical existence
when you cannot be accepted for your very self,
the ultimate rejection
of the wealth of good you could offer this world
but guess what,
the world doesn't want it,

anyway

so pack away your graces.